Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy – What Is It, and Is It For Me?
Do you and your partner find that you’re getting stuck in the same challenges over and over again? Is it getting harder to reconcile? If so, it doesn’t have to stay this way, and you don’t have to face this hardship alone. An approach many find helpful is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy or EFCT for short. Oftentimes we think emotions are a problem, so we avoid looking at them or feeling them, much less focusing on them! Bear with me, I’m going to break down what EFCT is and why I think it’s so helpful.
What Is EFCT
EFCT is a type of couples therapy that focuses on understanding how each person experiences themself and their partner during and outside of conflict, and seeing the relationship as a whole, rather than focusing on who is right or wrong, or using surface level fixes for deep seeded experiences.
EFCT was created by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. Dr. Johnson and Les Greenburg further developed the theory and tested it in 1985.
EFCT believes that strong, safe emotional connection is necessary to be well.
EFCT benefits couples in building trust, strengthening connection, and resolving conflicts.
EFCT allows the stormy seas that people in relationships encounter to calm so that they can keep sailing, working together, and enjoying the adventure.
What Sessions Will Look Like
The first session of EFCT will involve the couple sharing what brings them in, and what’s been difficult. Then the therapist will meet with each person individually to understand them and their background, and build the relationship with the therapist a little deeper. Each week the couple will share more deeply about the triggers that happen, the feelings and thoughts they experience, and how they protect themselves or fight for themselves and/or for their partner and relationship during conflicts, conversations, and other interactions. The therapist will help guide each partner to share these vulnerable emotions and needs in a safe way that builds connection and trust. This will go at the pace you each feel comfortable, and it is vital that each person feels heard and understood.
What Makes It Different Than Other Couples Therapy Approaches?
EFCT has been proven to help relationships not just during the time the couple is in therapy, but long-term.
EFCT has 30 years of research backing it, making this an evidenced-based approach to therapy.
People often think Couples Therapy is about getting a tool box of activities or rules to “fix” the relationship or one of the partners. With EFCT, it’s more about calming the storm to be able to reconnect. From this connected place, the couple gets to enjoy and feel more confident in the relationship, which helps them feel all the more capable to problem solve and work through difficulties that come up in the future. EFCT provides an opportunity for inner healing and deep relationship bonding–rather than finger pointing, and strategically placed Band-aids.
Encouragement and Helpful Notes
If you or your partner have thought therapy could be helpful, EFCT could be a great fit! EFCT is a more deep, experiential process, so the more open and willing you are to participate in the process the more you can get out of it. It is not a short-term, problem-solving advice column. Having to allow the pace to be what it is may feel frustrating at times.
It’s okay to seek help! Even reading this is a great start.
You don’t have to wait until things get bad to come to couples therapy. Waiting until the relationship is rocky can prolong the time and work needed in therapy.
Whether you try EFCT or something else, I hope you get the support you need!
If you want to read more about the views of EFCT, I suggest Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson.
If you’re interested in working with Heather, click here to fill out a contact form. Or you can book directly by clicking here.