Maybe you’ve heard of the book, The Body Keeps the Score. In this book Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk does a wonderful job explaining how our bodies “hold” experiences which we may feel we have forgotten. But then a certain smell or touch suddenly affects us in surprising ways. We may feel transported to a time we wish we had forgotten. Or, we may not be sure why we are all of a sudden feeling anxious. Either way, our bodies are capable of remembering these sensory experiences in ways that have escaped our conscious thoughts.
I speak of this well-known book, and the concept of our bodies ability to hold experiences and memories to connect to a book with a similar concept. This book is called Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, written by Dr. Emily Nagoski and her sister Amelia Nagoski. The Nagoski sisters talk about how the stress we accumulate throughout the day builds in our bodies. This accumulated stress builds and leads to burnout—unless, we do as the Nagoski sisters encourage and “complete the biological stress cycle”.
The easiest way for me to understand this is by way of the fight and flight response. Let’s say, we are out hiking in the Smokey Mountains. While whistling and enjoying the views we come across some baby cubs. They look so adorable! But wait, where is the mom? We turn around and see a large momma bear coming after us. Without any thought, we book it! I can’t tell you how we survived. But, we made it. We had promptly screamed and sprinted out of that bear’s vicinity—instantly and instinctively. Our hearts beat hard, blood pumping and adrenaline rushing. We utilized all the energy from that stress quite effectively.
Well, it ended up being a great trip, and maybe an even greater story. But, now we find ourselves back to the day to day. You are a third grade teacher. You spend all day making sure your students don’t hurt themselves, that they pay some attention, and that you get through enough of the required curriculum so as not to fall too far behind. Then you go to your teacher’s meeting. Here the principal reiterates the importance of covering curriculum that you can’t imagine these kids possibly retaining half of. You imagine the performance reviews with dread, and every time the principal turns your direction your heart races. You start feeling hot in that meeting even though the AC has been kept at a chilly 68 degrees. In fact, your body kind of feels the way it did when it turned and saw that bear! But, you can’t just run out of the meeting. That would only make everything worse. All the accumulated stress is just… accumulating. When you ran from the bear, your body utilized the body’s stress. The stress in the “bear situation” completed its cycle. But here, your stress cycle is stunted.
Seems rather terrible, right? Well, good news! You can actually complete the stress cycle. It looks a bit different than running away from the meeting, but it can still happen. The cycle can be completed through physical exercise, breathing exercises, positive social interaction, laughter, affection, creative self-expression, and crying.
Physical activity is the most efficient way to complete the cycle. This allows your body to use the adrenaline and stress, thereby “resetting the brain”. It can be running, dancing, walking, among other activities.
Deep breathing helps to calm the body down. Having positive social interactions and laughing makes us feel connected and safe which resets our nervous system. Crying releases pent up stress, and hugging for at least 20 seconds with both people maintaining their center of gravity are all ways the stress cycle can be completed.
These are all examples of how we can deal with the inevitable stress that builds in our bodies daily. It does not necessarily tackle the question of the stressor. But, sometimes, with the built up stress, we do not have the energy to address stressors. It might be more necessary to deal with the accumulating stress before we can tackle the stressors. And, making sure to take care of ourselves in this way sets us up to deal with inevitable stress that comes with life.
In this way we manage our stress by engaging it rather than letting it take over our lives.
If you are finding yourself stuck in a your stress cycle, reach out to us today and schedule a consultation with one of our therapists.
Amelia Nagoski, D., &; Emily Nagoski, P. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.