Grieving a pet not only affects us emotionally, it is also deeply physical. I have experienced this firsthand, with my first Boston Terrier, Angely, and now with my 11-year-old Boston, Bowie. Each new diagnosis she receives reminds me that our time together is coming to an end, and at the same time, my body recalls the pain of my first loss.
When Bowie is sick, I notice my body tensing, trembling, and disruptions in my appetite and sleep. I mourn more than just the eventual goodbye, I grieve our old routines, like long walks that have become shorter, playful moments that are slower, and the way life used to feel when she was young and healthy.
This is a clear example of anticipatory grief, grieving before a loss occurs, and the somatic responses it triggers. The body doesn’t wait for the goodbye; it responds to the reality of loss in real-time.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Anticipatory grief occurs when you begin mourning a loss before it happens. For pet owners, this often emerges as a pet ages or receives new medical diagnoses. It is completely normal and reflects the deep bond you share with your beloved four paw companion.
Anticipatory grief is both emotional and somatic, affecting the body in ways many people don’t expect.
Common Physical Symptoms of Anticipatory Grief
Some of the somatic responses many pet owners experience can include:
- Muscle tension in shoulders, neck, or jaw
- Trembling or shakiness
- Changes in appetite or digestive issues
- Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or restless sleep
- Fatigue or low energy
- Racing heart or chest tightness
These physical reactions are natural and reflect the intensity of love and attachment.
Emotional Responses You Might Notice
Anticipatory grief also impacts your emotions:
- Anxiety about your pet’s health
- Deep sadness or waves of sorrow
- Guilt around decisions like medical care or euthanasia
- Mourning lost routines and the life you once shared
- Emotional overwhelm triggered by reminders, like favorite toys or walks
How to Cope With Anticipatory Grief
As a therapist, I use strategies that engage both mind and body. These practices help me process grief while nurturing my nervous system:
- Sit in My Emotions: I give myself space to cry and feel sadness without judgment.
- Journaling: Writing helps me process thoughts and externalize worries. I also created a Pet Loss Journal, designed to help pet parents reflect on memories, express grief, and honor their beloved animals.
- Intentional Time Together: Short moments of cuddling, playing, walking or sitting quietly with our pet.
- Nature: Walking in nature helps me ground myself. Reconnecting with nature like feeling grass under my feet, breathing fresh air, and noticing the rhythms of the world I find calm, presence, and perspective even amid anticipatory grief.
Therapist Insight
Grief is not something to “fix” it is something to sit with, honor, and integrate. The physical symptoms of anticipatory grief are real and normal, and addressing them helps prevent prolonged distress. Combining somatic awareness with emotional processing allows you to navigate grief with kindness and self-compassion.
Guided journaling, like the Pet Loss Journal, can also be a powerful tool to preserve memories, process anticipatory grief, and find meaning after your pet passes.
When to Seek Support
Grieving a pet is tender and layered. By acknowledging both emotional and physical responses, practicing self-compassion, and using tools like journaling, you can honor your pet and navigate anticipatory grief with care.
If you’re struggling with anticipatory or post-loss grief, therapy can provide a safe space to process both emotional and somatic responses. You don’t have to face it alone.